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5月28日 I've been outedIn an anonymous world as big as wide as the web I hadn't ever passed out my blog site addy. I sorta come here to unload and blather on about things with no meaning or merit. I never have edited what flows freely from my fingers with the exception of the occassional correction of spelling, and yet this weekend I outed myself. It feels wierd to think that people will read what I write....now I wonder if i'm entertaining or witty or thought provoking enough. I think I shall have to write incognito until the self conscious feelings pass......
Ahhhh, this is better. So anyway where was i? Oh yes, this weekend we went to Gramma Crazy's for a visit. It was very brief and hurried and fabulous, I love getting together with the family. Several cousins came with their children and it is so fun to watch the kids mingle and play. Perhaps it is growing older or living far away but every visit leaves me hungry for a family reunion. There are niches we all fit into, this familial dynamic that I guess was eeked out during childhood. It amazes me that even as adults we still sorta fill this roles. The same things still make us laugh, make us groan or cause our eyes to roll and as our family grows and expands it's fun to hear the stories being told again and again with a fresh audience playing witness. It was a flurry of activities, we barely sat down the entire time we were visiting. I LOVE it when the first batch and the second batch surround the oven at the same time....there is a cohesion between us all that is incredible. We dont often get to be in the same spot at the same time. Aunt and Uncle Colorado (a better name will come with time I'm sure) are coming to our house Tuesday to spend the day at (drumroll please) 6 flags, which will be great fun to have them to ourselves. We are going to St. Louis at the end of June w/the nother brother and his entire family so we will get time alone w/them too. I guess the coolness of the whole deal is I love my brothers and sister. The second batch I've always loved...or better tolerated at the least since I was so much older. The first batch is tight, dont get me wrong, but those boys drove me crazy and ENJOYED it while growing up. We are so different in our beliefs in every major catagory and yet when you put us together we just all love each other....actually even better than that we all LIKE each other, which is something you get to choose!
Now cake cake cake cake cake oh yes I surely didn't have a weekend event w/o a cake involved! I made a gigantic rendition of a cheeseburger w/crispy crinkle cut fries complete with ketchup and mustard. It was a big hit. I adore the look of the kids when they see the cakes, seriously the grown ups reactions are fun and all but the little kids who ooooh and awww and my nieces who dub me a "cake artist" seriously are the reason behind the madness. It's fun plain and simple, although I almost feel guilty after seeing my semi veggie sister in law eating faux beef at my hand!! Well it's 1:20 in the morning and in a precious few hours it will be time to WIGGLE!! So i'd better get to bed.
Well that helped a bit.....and made me laugh a LOT!!  5月24日 no wike it down down down.....We dig six flags....so much so that addiction may actually be a better word. I have even heard tell that Bugs and Daffy are staging an intervention due to our constant visits. The kids enjoy the rides and the people watching and just the time as a family hanging out and being us. This last trip to six flags was monumental however our family of four all road the whizzer!! It, at it's fastest, goes 42 miles per hour and our entire family coasted through the curves and climbed the spiral beginning with anticipation in our bellies. Ballio was thrilled going up loved it that he was able to see everything from a birds perspective. Smarta is not keen on heights and was rather reserved during the climb, sitting with her Daddy who continually pointed out various nifty things to distract her attentions from the fact she was in fact high in the air. Once we reached the top there was a distint shift in attitude, as the cars started to hurl themselves down the track and around the corners Ballio started to shiver and Smarta started to cackle. She loved the 'slides' while Ballio kept repeating "no wike it down down down....no wike it down down down" It was great fun but perhaps our little daredevil was not quite ready for the fun of the whizzer. If you ask him though, he's going to ride it again....but only the up up up part ;)
5月20日 another one bites the dust..............I have 3 computers in the dang house THREE!!! Two laptops and a desktop and BOTH of my laptops are messed up. One thanks to my idiotic animal that my children unfortunately love and the other one I'm sure I played a hand in it's untimely demise. They are both in the process of being fixed but UGH I am a woman w/o a laptop! I feel naked!! Sitting at a desk typing.....how.....archaic!! ~*~Rantastic~*~I have expectations.....I know this. I even embrace this, what I dont comprehend is why others do not. It's simple if you KNOW something is going to happen then be prepared. I get NOT knowing something is going to happen and having to wing it but come on, you KNOW it's coming and still flake? What's up with that? Smarta plays soccer, this is a great battle within me. She adores the experience and for the most part so do I. This is her 3rd season playing, her first 2 seasons I coached. The first season I assitant coached because the original assistant coach had a job change mid season, the next season I decided that I would like to do that again. Unfortunately I was not paired w/a coach that made being an assistant possible.....or honestly perhaps I have a genetic mutation that prevents me from relinquishing control either way I coached. This season I stepped back, I wanted to be a mom okay I wanted to be *that* mom the one that organizes the picnic and the snacks and all that stuff. I am that mom this season and I do it with much relish, however I find myself drawn back into the coaching fray. I am perplexed by the relationship of the coaches that Smarta has....they have coached together prior to this season for another sport yet there is little to no cohesion between them. They are continually late for practice....okay let me be fair, *if* practice starts at 3:00 we are there at 2:50 so that we are prepared to start when 3:00 rolls around. When I coached I would have been there about 30 minutes early to set up and warm up and be ready to recieve children at practice time. Our coaches show up on time and then spend precious time that could be spent practicing doing the mundane tasks of setting up and getting ready. It annoys me greatly. This morning we had a game, Coach has requested we be at the field 15 minutes prior to the starting of all games. Not an obnoxious request, makes sense right? Well we were running late and showed up 10 minutes before the game and were the ONLY ones on Smarta's team there for about 15 minutes. The assistant coach didnt even show until midway through the first quarter. It makes no sense to me.....I try to stand back and allow them to coach but seriously tongue biting abounds!! And if you know me you understand how incredibly hard that task is!!! (i am literally tongue tied) I dont want to coach but I can't seem to help myself.....how do you step back and let mediocrity flourish? How do you stand idle? I need to learn this stuff.....I've got a loooooong sports mom career ahead of me! 5月17日 Beautiful ThingsHolding a sleepy boy as he closes his eyes and surrenders to sleep
Naked bodies fresh from the tub running down the hall for clothes
Spelling words to the girlchild in secret
Our totally secret code that means I love you
The way her hand rest on her knees as she watches tv all folded and pretzeled and grown
Belly laughs while sleeping deeply
The fearlessness of knowing your parents will never let you get hurt
That booboos are really fixed with kisses
That he holds her hand while I brush her hair because even though he might be the little brother he still protects her
His sense of humor...knee slapping and all
this is such a partial list of the beauty by far Are we really strange?We love doing things as a family, we all go places. Grocery store, errands, Smarta's ball practice. We are rarely apart. We have 'dates' every once in a blue moon (typically twice a year maybe) when the children stay with Gramma Crazy and we go off alone. We delight in time spent together as a family. We have season passes to a local theme park, Jeremy refers to it as "theme park bootcamp" and says it's to get them ready for a big trip to disney world. If money were no object we'd be at disney a couple times a year. In all fairness we were all about Disney before Smarta and Ballio came into the picture. I just dont understand the concept of having children and then seeming inconvienced by the experience of them growing up. I know there is a very small window of what is comfortable and acceptable to us in the whole parenting arena. We reconciled long ago that we were never going to be in the vast majority when it comes to parenting styles. We're okay with that.......for the most part. It gets lonely sometimes, I am lonely for a family that feels similarly to us. A family that has similar parenting styles and we could meld with. I feel like the sandra dee of parenting  I dont drink or swear....... I get ill from one cigarette but seriously we dont swear or drink or smoke nor feel comfortable around those that do which puts a definate crimp in our selection pool. *sigh* 5月16日 Being Productive Feels GOOOOOOODI am sitting for lunch.....after having been pretty focused on tasks all day long. So far today I've paid bills, cleaned a kitchen that hasn't had much attention since mothers day, straightened and vacuumed the living room and scrubbed windows and washed curtains. I even rehung them! I feel so accomplished. We have soccer practice tonight and Smarta is looking forward to it. Ballio loves practice as well, he runs and plays and even offers his tidbits of advice on how to properly do it all! We need to get ready for Jeremy's birthday this weekend. Not really sure what it's going to entail but I know I want it to be special!! I thought I had a load to say but really I just want to relax and get Ballio down for a nap! 5月15日 A whole day.......lostYesterday was awful....well actually it wasn't until about noon. I have no clue what triggered it but suddenly I was out of commission with a headache. The kind that you know that if you puke your head would feel better. I laid on the couch still as I could for an hour waiting for Jeremy to come home from work. Ballio was napping and Smarta was sitting in my hole. "in my hole" I wonder if anybody else even knows what that means. My Dad was tall...and our couch when we were growing up, well it wasn't. So, when he'd lay on the couch he'd have to bend his knees to fit, the bending of said knees caused a spot.....a hole if you will. This spot was treasured, it was the cause of many arguements between my brothers and me. We kept track of turns and who got to sit there next....things like this I wonder if my brothers remember. Only one of my brothers has childdren, I wonder if he does it with his. My daddy also used to nibble on our ears and trace our ears with his finger to soothe us when we were restless and trying to sleep. I wonder if he does that. Anyway back to the story of my horrible headache. Smarta was sitting in my hole, which is now a special thing for yet another generation. Once I heard Jeremy coming in I got in bed and there I stayed, through soccer practice, through dinner, I didnt talk on the phone or anything just laid and wished that the pain would subside. Eventually around midnight it did but it made for a crappy day and I missed my kids. I just realized we are getting storms this afternoon, I wonder if the change in pressure of the storm front getting ready to come through is what caused my headache? I dont know, totally grasping at straws but oh how I hate a migraine!! 5月13日 Happy Mothers DayHappy Mothers Day! I woke up to Jeremy waking me up telling me not to wake up yet! :) I had been coughing and that just totally started a panic in Smarta, she was in the midst of writing out a note on her card envelope and me coughing made her freak out thinking i'd get up before she finished her special note. I stayed in bed a little longer and then got up to a beautiful day, breakfast and flowers, presents and kisses. Life is grand today :) but really, when isn't it? 5月12日 laughingLaying in bed last night, falling asleep facing each other talking and something struck me funny. I laughed, an eye watering laugh that pervades the whole room. Loud and long and not hurried away for fear that somebody will notice and want in on the joke. I looked at him as I lay laughing and I saw him see me. I saw him see me, and I remembered who I was. In that moment the stress of the past couple weeks fell away. The white noise that just sort of creeps up slowly until you realize it's so loud you cannot think or talk or laugh had once again become deafening. It's not bad things it's all things...grocery lists, travel plans, menu choices, ball practice, schooling, paying bills, doctors appointments, going here, doing that...all the static that causes our smiles to start not quite reaching our eyes and our laughs from reaching our bellies. In this moment all of that fell away and I was there with the boy I fell in love with when I was still yet a girl. It amazes me that even after 15 years there is a tenderness in his eyes when he looks at me that still makes me feel cherished beyond measure. I love when I see that look on his face, the beauty of his love shining in his eyes. He is who God set aside for me, I believe that with the whole of my heart. He completes who I am and I who he is. Together we make sense. I saw him see me and I said "what?" and he said "i love it when you laugh....it's been a while since I've heard that laugh" 5月11日 A Cute IllnessSo i am feeling better, just a little itchy and a little discombobulated but for the most part I'm definately on the mend. Jeremy is home with me today, he was able to get off of work since my dr wrote him a note asking that he be "allowed time off from work to deal with his wife's acute illness". When I ask him for something (as he has parked me on the couch with instructions to get better!) he says "okay cute" it finally dawned on me....a cute illness....goofball! He chased the children around outside today running alongside Smarta while holding onto her bike without training wheels. Ballio drove a big pink barbie jeep around the yard with gusto and very little steering. I felt grounded, left in the house to watch them have fun. After the sun started to set I sat outside for a few minutes but even the left over sun caused me to itch and I came back inside. The good thing is after hours of sunshine and running around like crazy wild children they are going to sleep oh so well and *that* will be loverly! 5月10日 not a fan of repetition either......So just got back from the Dr's apt today.....well the FIRST doctors appointment of the day. I have another apt w/an internal medicine doctor at 1pm and then we'll go from there. They are perplexed by me, it seems I really AM an enigma wrapped in a riddle :) I had a chest xray and loads of scary phrases like cancer and lymphoma were tossed around but quickly dismissed. I dont understand why you need to say them out loud in my presence though....for my brain does not dismiss them nearly as easily nor let go of them as quickly as I'd like. I am on benadryl for the rash that they have deemed an allergic reaction, one that has eliminated 75% of all antibiotics from my treatment regiment from here on out. How's that for some drama? I just feel like I've got Munchhausen's not-so-much-by proxy and like a gigantic hypochondriac. I read an article while waiting for an appointment yesterday about the voices we play back in our heads, the internal dialog that we hold on to. The author said that she would say that she was disorganized and never finished anything and yet she was fairly organized and finished 95% of what she started, she took a moment and tracked back the negative self talk to an isolated incident when she was an early teenager, her mom had told her those things as she laid w/papers strewn about the room not doing a project she had a deadline for. In *that* moment her mother was correct, but now she held that phrase and anytime either of those situations came up she immediately played back the negative soundtrack from her youth. Now this was NOT a blaming of the mother, the phrase could have easily been from a peer or a coach or anybody it's more about finding where the negative talk comes from and deeming it truthful NOW or when it was in the past. I am so guilty of this....I am NOT a hypochondriac and yet I continually feel like it and tell myself that I am whenever I feel poorly or seek medical attention. Breaking the internal dialog is difficult but at least I am aware, so we're going to start there. So here it is folks, ya ready?
I AM SICK! I DIDNT DO IT! I AM NOT FAKING! I AM NOT BEING DRAMATIC!! IT IS REAL!
ahhhh that felt better :) Not a fan of indecisionNot a big fan of indecision at all, I'm the one that dives in the deep and and then flails and figures out how not to sink! And yet here I sit, in the midst of indecision at the hands of a doctor I barely know and trust even less. A little more than a week ago I was diagnosed with cellulitis (a skin infection) and was put on mega doses of 2 different types of antibiotics to treat it. Tuesday I noticed my lymph nodes were really swollen and hurt.....like so swollen I could stand in front of the mirror and see them bulging out on one side. Then Wednesday when I woke up I had a rash on the tops of my thighs just a slight one.....and then I brushed my hair and realized it was even worse all over the back of my upper arms. I made an appt and spent hours at the hospital yesterday being seen and nothing has been determined. It's 'probably' a reaction the the sulfa drug BUT the cellulitis is not resolved either so I (and imo the dr should be as well but alas isn't so much) concerned that the cellulitis is turning into a staph infection or that the rash is somehow staph related. The doctor I had seen prior to this one had said if it did not get better I would be admitted to 'knock it out' and yet THIS doctor says 'eh lets just wait and see' now i'm not big on hospital stays, but i'm also not big on dying kwim? I scared my mom which I hate and then my calm husband put in for emergency leave at work which scared me!! Okay my boy child is awake and it's time for another dr appt i'll update later! Pray that all is well! 5月7日 Smarta's theory on birthSo i was watching a tivo'd show and at the end a lady went into labor.....the children were in the room but not paying attention, or so I thought. I look over and Smarta is wide eyed watching the woman start to moan and grunt and carry on. I paused it and
Sometimes on tv they make things dramatic, but remember how we talked about sometimes mommy's grunt when they push out babies?
I'm never having kids
Baby, I had you and your brother and it wasn't that bad, it's a great thing I promise
I wish I was a boy
end of discussion ROFL!! Cute boy storiesSo, I have 3 brother and a sister on my side of our tree. I am the oldest (and by sheer default the wisest right? I think that is officially how it works!) and then followed by the 3 boys and as it started with a girl so shall it end, with TTSW. Keeping up? So as you can see plenty of opportunity for stories to occur within the confines of this chaos. The niece who's cake I made belongs to the middle child and he and I were on the phone here's a snippet:
Ballio Dont hit your sister w/a golf club!
Oh i love that other people have those conversation with their kids, my boys not into golf though...he's into baseball. Seriously man, it's like bambam around here.
Yeah lots of things come outta my mouth I never thought I'd have to say to them.
No kidding, the other day Buddy was jumping off the stairs in the basement into a pile of clothes all I saw was a Buddy flying through the air. I mean 8 stairs and landing in the laundry pile. I told him to stop, his mom told him to stop and he kept doing it.
Oh man he has no fear! He's like his dad huh?
Well he finally stopped when he missed the jump and got a rug burn all over his butt...his entire butt both cheeks giant rug burn for like 2 weeks!
Wait, was he naked?
uh......yeah (completely like *I* was idiotic for asking btw)
he's always naked, you didnt know that??
no i didnt (me giggling)
Our conversation continued at various things and then about 10 minutes later
BUDDY! get your pants on son! you can't be naked outside.....PUT your pants back on. or get off the trampoline!
Oh I am sure it's lost in translation but it was hysterical, buddy btw is almost 3 :) and cute as ever the little nekkid thing!!
Later in the evening I was recounting the whole conversation to Jeremy was we drove and he was laughing and I hear Ballio in the back seat "i bowdit" "you what?" and we played the game of trying to figure out what Balliospeak actually means. "throw?" nope "go?" nope "know?" uh-uh and then he repeats "NO I BOWDIT" and the blows like he's blowing out a candle. Oh you blowed it? "yep, i bowdit buddy's hiney butt" I was perplexed until I realized I'd told Jeremy about his rug BURN and Ballio was going to take care of his cousin and blow it out!! Such a sweet boy, and another round of laughter.
Ahhh doodaySo 6 flags has officially opened! This has been a long awaited day in our house, the children would see it from the highway as we passed it in the course of our daily lives all winter and ask "is it time yet?" or the baby would chime in "I go roller coaster all day?". Patience was taught this winter and oh the joy at driving under the american eagle and heading into the park on opening day. We had Kunk and TTSW with us so it was a tribe of merry souls heading into roller coaster freedom. It was so much fun, Smarta has a tendency to be a bit hesitant and ALL last season couldn't muster up the courage to do more than sit on the seated benches of the 2 story carousel for fear she'd get hurt....first ride of the season this year she rode a horse! Okay so it was a stationary one but hey I'm not one to knock progress.....however small!! We watched shows and rode rides and walked around and just enjoyed each other. Characters were looked upon like old friends and greeted as such, Ballio even gave sylvester a hug!! The best was as we left the park, exhausted, slightly pink from the afternoon in the sun, driving under the American Eagle to make our exit we hear a small tired voice from the back seat.....Ahhhh a dooday (a good day) and then nothing more as he was asleep before we ever hit the highway. 5月6日 Cake-a-gramSo the cake is finished....it's beautiful the final finishing touches were put on it at almost 2 am on Saturday morning. I am soooooo excited with the finished results, I will post pics soon. I was able to make the chocolate 'sign' and it worked rather well. I seriously am the ghetto cake maker....I see the end result of other peoples cakes and think of how I could get the same or near same results. I dont even know the steps I just figure it out.....hmmm that's the same way I did Algebra and Geometry and yet *that* was wrong. So seeee skipping steps DOES work Mrs. I'mgoingtofailyoufornotshowingwork Math Teacher!!
The coolest part of all the cakeness was that my mom came up to take it back, it was so much fun. The type of fun that you dont want to end even though there are responsibilities and obligations that you have to keep. I enjoyed having them here. We went to 6 flags for opening day (another post) and my mom stayed home because she's old....er her 'knee hurt' yeah that's the reason. Anyway, the cake made it to Mattoon in one piece and Gramma will deliver it to the party tomorrow so it'll be a Cake-a-Gram! I really wish we were able to be there to see her face, and I surely hope people take loads of pictures! 5月4日 The silence is broken....I am back out from under my rock.....and guess why? I'm making a cake! wahoo! It's for my niece Allison and I'm so eager for her to see it. Right now it's deconstructed and in pieces and parts and just cake not A cake but soon it'll be together and hopefully make her ooooh and ahhh though i'll not be there to see it. I haven't blogged in quite some time, I just had too much going on with schooling Smarta that I forgot to but now we are winding down this school year and we are in the midst of soccer. I am not coaching this season, I get to just be the official team mom! That is sooooo exciting to me, I've organized snacks made team shirts for our entire family and just basically geeking out over all the things soccer. I've coached the last 2 seasons so sitting down is a new thing for me, and who woulda thunk I'd have a hard time keeping my mouth shut :D ahhh well we're working on it! 1月3日 Ohhhh and by the way......My last great hope for a wedding cake did in fact elope in October.....they *say* they'll be having a reception and need a cake for that but we'll see how that goes. I think they are just trying to let me down gently! I've updated the cakes I've done since my last let them eat cake post. I've been a bit busy. And can't wait for the next one. I've been noodling around a lemon 2 layer cake w/a piece of lemon flavored white chocolate between the two layers for a little texture. sound good? 7月28日 let them eat cake......Ok people, I know you've been waiting with baited breath (which by the way always made me think the person w/said breath needed a tictac) for stories of the cake-a-palooza that was my nephews bday! We had a fantasterific time and the cake was a hit. It was really nifty because as I decorated the cake my nieces sat and ooh'd and aah'd and when their cousins showed up they even deemed me a 'cake artist' as they proudly showed off my cake. It was really fun. My nephew was so enamoured with the cake that he poked it....and then took a HUGE clump o'cake outta the side as the guests were starting to arrive. It was funny unless you were his momma who was in the appropriate state of pre-party stress (coupled w/brand new baby too! her plate was full) but never fear Super Aunt to the rescue, we just tinted some more buttercream and patched that puppy good as new. Nobody even could tell....except the person who got that rather icing laden piece. :) I'm adding pictures to the right of all my past cakes (i think that's where they'll be anyway). I haven't done a wedding cake yet as all my potential clients keep eloping! blast them! I have 1 brother left who remains unmarried and he is starting to talk eloping....*sigh* at this rate I'm going to have to get remarried myself to make a wedding cake..........wonder how Jeremy will take that news! lol |
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